Who knew that Disney wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to Marvel.

I grew up loving He-Man. I still have every figure, except 2. I have every ride, and every castle. I watched the cartoon religiously. I even had a Power Sword that developed a curve that followed my spine from wearing it down my shirt. I could (and still can) name every character. I remember many happy days spent playing with Stinkor (a skunk man who really smelled bad), Moss Man (felt like the soft side of velcro), Orko, Ram Man, and all of the rest. I had the expanded line of She Ra, even the dinosaurs that were the plot of the late 80’s revamp. I loved them all. Then they made a live action movie. I watched it, I loved it, and I wore out tapes replaying it.
It also had fuckin nothing to do with the He-Man and the Masters of The Universe that I loved. Instead of a Conan-esque fighter in fuzzy boots and manties, Dolph “I must break you” Lundgren, played a futuristic, hoverboard riding, armor wearing fighter. He USED A GUN! There was no Orko (the Special FX would’ve cost too much), instead we got a fuckin dwarf/leperachaun/mole man.
This was my first experience of Hollywood fucking my childhood.

My middle school into high school years were filled with comics. X-Men, Spider-Man, Spawn, Daredevil, Ironman, some Batman, Ghost Rider, and Wolverine. I was such a big comic nerd that my comic dealer would meet me at the gas station by my house for my weekly pick-up because I got so many. It was my drug. I collected the figures, the cards, Promos and Variants. Wizard was my Bible. I can destroy anyone in Marvel Scene It, and could hold my own in a DC contest.
I remember when I heard that there was going to be a Generation X TV show. It had very little to do with the comic and didn’t last but a couple shows.
Then the news… Both X-Men and Spider-Man were being made into movies. Followed by 2 follow-ups of the same names, Daredevil, Hulk, Ghost Rider, Elektra, Punisher, another Hulk, another Punisher, and Wolverine’s origin.

Here’s my problem. Comics have been around for many years. There are books that dwarf the Encyclopedia, filled with continuity, facts, origins, and the obscure. You can’t change comics. There is too much backstory. Here’s my bitches.

Spider-Man 1- Webs don’t come out of your arms. They come out of web shooters. Thus proving Parker’s superior science skill and also cause issues when he ran out of web fluid.
Spider-Man 2 – Doc Ock is fused to his metal arms. He has control over them, not so in the movie. They are like Maggot’s worms (another Marvel character) producing mind control over Ock, that he has to fight and redeem himself.
Spider-Man 3… I fuckin hate this movie. First of all, Gwen Stacey was killed by Green Goblin, but Goblin’s dead in the movie and Gwen is just introduced. The symbiote doesn’t enspire emo dressing or jazz dancing. The symbiote bonds with Eddie Brock (a large guy), making Venom obviously bigger than Spider Man. HE IS NOT THE SAME SIZE! Carnage is the same size.
X-Men 1- Wolverine doesn’t meet Rogue in Canada, Bobby Drake (Iceman) is not a teenager, he was a founding member, and Sabertooth is not a growling mute.
X-Men 2 – Stryker is bullshit. He was not the one behind the Weapon program, he didn’t lead commandos to storm the X Mansion. Pyro is not a student, and Mastermind (kid in wheelchair who mind fucked an Omega class mutant, Prof X) is an illusionist and not son of a government official, he was one of the inner circle of The Hellfire Club.
X-Men 3 – Dark Phoenix is a bad ass. You got one thing right. Struck out on: Juggernaut isn’t a mutant, he is Xavier’s step-brother and his power is derived from an ancient crystal. Cyclops doesn’t die. Shadowcat isn’t a fuckin Tween. Magneto doesn’t lose his power.

Hulk – Ang Lee. Fuck you.

Incredible Hulk – Ed Norton, much better. Still not a clear origin.

Daredevil – I actually liked this one. It was to date the most historically correct. The one problem? Kingpin as a black dude? Seriously?

Blade Trilogy – Never was a fan, but there were inconsistencies.

Elektra – Doesn’t explain her origin, the Hand were ninjas, not Wu-Jen.

Ghost Rider – Fuck you Nic Cage. I love Ghost Rider, you bastards.

Punisher – Bad casting. Only dead on was Nash as The Russian, just because he was huge and had the red and white striped shirt. Ma Gnucci should have been the antagonist, not John Travolta.

Punisher War Zone – not bad at all. More correct character traits.

Wolverine Origins – the top of the shit list. Soooo many inconsistencies that it makes me upset to think about it. Wolverines origin was wrapped in mystery for 20+ years. The origin story is amazing. Great piece of storytelling. Here’s where the movie goes wrong. Logan and Creed aren’t brothers.
Maverick isn’t asian.
Wolvie doesn’t kill Maverick
The Blob (Fred Dukes) doesn’t just get fat from eating donuts and shit, due to depression.
I’m guessing Will.I.Am was supposed to be Gateway. Who wasn’t part of The Weapon project.
How the fuck did Wolvie not know that Silverfox was playing dead? He has heightened senses. He just saw blood, no wound? Really?
Was the blonde chick supposed to be Emma Frost? She turned to a diamond like state. The only Mutants that can are Emma and Husk, but Husk has to peel her skin off to do it. If it was Emma, she didn’t develop that power until later. She also isn’t a kid.
Deadpool is not given retractable katana’s in his arms, that are too long to be there. He can’t teleport. He didn’t have his mouth removed. In fact is nickname is “The Merc With The Mouth”. Ugh.

Ironman – Salvation at last. Great cast, characters are spot on, story is by the book. The only strafe was Nick Fury being black, but he was in the Ultimate line as well, plus, it’s Sam Jackson.

The future? Well Ironman 2 is set to come out soon. Origins : Magneto was scrapped. Supposedly a Deadpool movie will be made that is completely out of the Wolvie Origins timeline. Thor is being shot. The kid playing Thor, isn’t big enough. Captain America will come out after Thor, unless it’s scrapped completely. Rumors are that Will Smith will be Captain America. Fuck you, Big Willy, stick to fighting aliens and robots. Avengers is due out in 2013, with Ironman, Thor, Cap against Hulk. We’ll see. Spider Man 4. Well today it was announced that Raimi and all of the cast are walkin out. Sony and Marvel will relaunch the movie series with a new everything, focusing on High School Parker and Company. I hope they take cues from the new Spider Man cartoon.
My feelings? They can’t do anything worse. So c’mon, lube it up and fuck my childhood raw, Hollywood, you rotten bastards.

I gotta go, just heard that Jimmy Fallon has Maggie Gyllenhaal on momentarily. Pinch1faced, moron. Too bad Bruce isn’t here to save your shitty acting with his equally shitty “Batman voice”.

Until next time, True Believers…

Napolean Pedophile and the giant-toothed monkey

Today was my niece’s 8th birthday party. It was held at Skatetown USA in Fountain City. Upon our arrival, there were a few people there as well. By 2:00, it was full of people. I saw a black guy dressed in a referee’s shirt, a bubblegum pink haired teen, many tween to teens dressed waaaaay to provacative, and 3 specific “Old” Men. Now these old men were completely alone, no kids, grandkids, or friends. One had a long white beard and was a skating machine. Backwards, forwards, fast and in traffic. I’ll grant, maybe he skates for his health or for the pure love of rolling around in circles. The second guy stood leaning on the half-wall watching the skaters. Its possible that he had a kids, I suppose but in roughly 20 minutes of watching him he didn’t wave or acknowledge any skater. He also intently watched the tweens and teen girls, and stared off on the others. Creepy, for sure. Harmful, possibly. The third, whom I affectionately termed Napolean Pedophile. He was wearing dark slacks, white tshirt, glasses, and tussled hair. He was attempting to skate. Mostly he was stumbling around the rink staring at the kids. He came over near our party table for a water break, and straight up leered at my 4 yr old nephew. I kept a very close eye on him and he moved on. Now I don’t know for sure that anyone had bad intentions, but it made me very aware. Watch your kids.
My niece, Faith, is obsessed with a monkey named Bobby Jack. I don’t think this smiling little bastard has a TV show or anything, but it’s probably in development. The monkey doesn’t do anything except have GIANT teeth and smile. Two things piss me off about this little simian anti-christ. 1.) He can be drawn by an epileptic 4 year old with those big, fat, jumbo crayons. Its an oval, a half circle, 2 eyes, 2 round ears, and a giant watermelon slice. Some asshole drew this and now has made millions. I hate that there are true artist that don’t make shit, while some jack-a-lope scribbles a fuckin Cheshire Monkey, and it’s yachts, russian bikini models, and handmade vodka in a crystal caraffe. 2.) It’s a fuckin monkey that has 2 first names.

Jesus, the youth of today. We also had a group of church skaters “Holy Rollers” if you will. They had shirts and hoodies proclaiming that Jesus is comin back, and he’s mad. I. Can’t. Wait! Jesus “The Christanator” wielding duel shotguns that spray holy fire. I wanna see it. Or maybe he’ll come back and attack like Godzilla, squishing the chosen and the heathen alike under his sensible desert inspired footwear. Awesome. Well they also skated around holding a bible, that they passed off to each other. I named this the Jesus Relay. Awesome. I love East Tennessee.

My Geek-Penis is HUGE!

So today I rearranged my entertainment center. I now have plugged up and working an NES, a Sega Genesis, a Sega Dreamcast, a Microsoft Xbox, and a Microsoft Xbox 360. Under the EC, in the cabinet, sets 2 Nintendo 64s, a Sony Playstation, and another Dreamcast. I have roughly 20 NES games. What really makes me happy? I found, at a garage sale, The Adventures of Link, in the golden case. NICE! My walls are covered in movie posters. Mallrats, J&SB Strikes Back, Taken, Ledger’s Joker, a b&w Mallrats, Silk Spectre 2, American History X, and the foldout map of the Capital Wasteland for Fallout 3. Decorations are dragon themed, a Silent Bob bobblehead (aka Däs Mëtäl Trëë Topper) and on multiple surfaces Gaming Books.

“You mean like strategy guides?”

HEY, WHO’S TELLING THIS FUCKIN STORY???

Actually yes, there are strategy guides. But there are also Pen and Paper game books. See waaaaaaaaay back in the 70’s, a man named Gary Gygax and some other peoples created a game called Dungeons and Dragons. From those days on, nerds everywhere had things to do on Friday nights. And also from that point, these nerds have been mocked! I don’t fit the normal “nerd” profile. First of all, I am built like a football lineman. Secondly, I don’t have glasses, a retainer, or pocket protectors as society portray those of the geek persuasion. And lastly, I like sports, cars, fishing, and fine art.
It’s like somewhere along the lines, someone made the decision that if you play D&D, you have to be a pasty, pimple riddled, virgin of Potsy like preportions.
My first argument to the blank look and response of “You play D&D?” (Said with the same emphasis as one would say, “You ate a baby?”) is to ask if the offended questioner plays video games. Lets face it, in the age of electronics that we live in, you would be hard pressed to find anyone under 30 who doesn’t play video games. Now maybe they aren’t having weekly 72 hour Evercrack runs, but even if they just get together to play “only macho games” like Madden (and hate fuck each other). The difference between the game on your TV and the game on your table top, is the picture. A Pen and Paper (any table top game played with die and player record sheets) game is played in your mind. You can use miniatures to represent your characters, but it is like you and friends are writing a book as you go along.
Not everyone can play Pen & Paper, it takes someone with the imagination to make for a deep story.
I have been playing regularly for the last 7 years or so. I also played some in middle school. Now of course Christian groups have attacked D&D for as long as it’s been around. Saying that it fucks kids up and makes them think that they can do things that end up getting themselves hurt. Seriously, if any kid thinks that he can jump off of a building and float down to the ground unhurt or make themselves immune to fire, they are already fucked up. That isn’t a games fault, its the parents, breeding, or upbringing.
I have learned a lot through gaming, it has made me quicker thinking, reactive, proactive, and more decisive.
Geeks run this world. We know more, we can do more, we are deeper, and ladies I assure you that a geek will work harder at pleasing you than a jock. So if you want some fun that you can play with your family or friends, pick up a Pen and Paper. There are smaller games that are easy to get into. I would recommend a box starter set. If you want a fun and funny game, Munchkins. Go to Nord’s Games or Sci-Fi City and ask for Munchkins, spend $25 and have hours of entertainment.

So give geeks a chance. And if you are a geek yourself, let your Nerd Flag fly. Admit your love of Q Bert, Excite Bike, and Spy Hunter. Claim your homeland of Faërun, Ansalon, or one of the planes. Profess your love for dragons and dungeon crawling, swords and shields, wizards and witches, hobbits and orcs, Jedi and Sith, Muggles and Mudbloods.

Geeks are Gods among mortals. FTW!

Snowball Anyone?

So you would think that the Baptists are prepping for ol’ Zombie Christ’s return (again?). People are freaking out due to Winter’s equivalent of a wet fart. Jesus. I mean The Devils of Hell actually sent us home early. I have worked there over 6 years and I have never seen it happen. It took me an hour to get home just because people were driving 15 mph. What the fuck?!?

The best part ever? Turning on WIVK to listen to the rednecks calling in on live radio. Honestly, 30 minutes of that and it’s no wonder people think the south is full of mush-mouthed tards. Honest I heard these exact calls.

“Uh yeah, I am callin frum Whyat Pyane. Wes got in our truck just to drive ’round and see whuts ta be seen. Y’know, it’s purdy icee out here, but there ain’t many peeples out.”

Know why that is you slack-jawed moron? Because most people are smart enough to not go driving around in the ice. Idiots.

“Uh, yeah, Gunner? I’m callin from overhere at, uh Ball Camp Pike, like ’bout 2 miles from where that last feller called from. Yeah, uh, it’s icy here to Gunner.”

REALLY? It’s icy around 2 miles down the road from another icy place? I figured we could all just drive a mile from where we are currently and be magically transported to the Savage Land, a sweltering jungle, complete with Dinosaurs and shit.

I am ashamed of the majority of people around here. Ugh.

That is all.

Global Warming, huh?

Oh no, the ice caps are melting and the Polar Bears are running out of ice. 2 problems I see with this though.

1.) who fuckin cares? What do polar bears do besides eat penguins? Which in my eyes is an offense punishable by death. What good do Polar Bears accomplish? Are polar bears leading peace summits? Are they hunting down terrorists? Have they learned to talk and fight with body armor on ,like that fucked up kids fantasy movie with Michelle Pfiffer and DeNiro? No to all of these things. They serve no purpose. Whats the point in saving them? We saved Iraq from Iran in the early 90’s, know how they re-paid us? Supporting terrorism. Am I suggesting that polar bears are as dangerous as terrorists? Put a bomb on either of them and which one would you rather face? Polar Bears are like 15 feet tall and weigh a ton. I would rather take my chances with the underfed ethnic kid who “yi-yi-yi”’s like Xena. Polar bears are pure evil. Regardless of how cute Coke tries to make them look, they are hate mongers, and socialists. The bastards. And while we’re on the subject of Coke, y’know who else wore red badges and had a 4 letter name? That’s right The Nazi. Coke and Polar Bears are the true threat to our way of lives. Know what science has proven? Polar Bears hate puppies. IT’S TRUE! Put a puppy in front of a Polar Bear and 1 of 2 things will happen. The bear will either EAT or FUCK that puppy. Kitties too. Join me in suppprting A.P.B.D.I.E – All Polar Bears Deserve Immediate Extinction. If we don’t fight them, who can, Will Smith? He’s busy fighting to save the world from everything else.

2.) Reason that global warming is bullshit? Its been under 30 fucking degrees since December. The last 2 weeks 70% of the country has been under 20 and full of snow.

So in closing. Fuck you, Al Gore. Your cunt wife took on the Record Labels and didn’t get the censorship that she wanted, you lost the election against GEORGE W BUSH, and so now u are trying to be heard with more bullshit. Take a cue from Dan Quayle, leave the limelight alone. Go back and play with the internet, y’know since you created it.

Get down with the Sickness

Yeah I am sick. No blogitty blog right now. We’ll get back to my regularly scheduled blog as soon as I feel up to typing on this TINY KEYBOARD!

More Ambitions than Goals

So my list of “Things I wanna get done” this year isn’t as big as it usually is. Usually I set so many goals that I can’t accomplish them all in the same year. So instead of setting goals, I will have ambitions. Things I wanna get done, but won’t beat myself up if I don’t get them done.

1.) Lose weight. This is a big one, usually only second to quit smoking. Well still smoke free so now I have no excuse. I don’t wanna lose weight for my health, my blood pressure, cholest, pulse, etc are all optimal. Mostly I want to be able to find cooler clothes, rock T-Shirts that don’t have a large canine on them or some contrite words about being big. I wanna look better naked. Yep. It is purely a physical thing. My friend Jeff said his goal to lose weight was more to gain a penis. I can dig that. Fuck doin stuff cause people think u should. Do it because u wanna do it.

2.) Paint the inside of my house. Because my father and I built my house and kept it as cheap as possible. My entire house is painted “Eggshell” which is the most unintersting color ever. I have this nice big floating wall in my living room and it is perfect for an art project. I am thinking a cave, wave, and oriental theme. Though I may do Master Chief, Arbiter, a Big Daddy, Yoda and Vader. Or possibly even a replica of Bryant-Deney stadium and a huge Crimson Tide banner. Crimson bedroom, blue or green bathroom, maybe even a black room. Who knows. But I need some fuckin color, peoples.
3.) Finish my backyard.
I totally have a concrete fire pit started, need some grass or maybe even rocks instead. Some patio furniture and its cookout time!
4.) go on a real vacation.
Well this one is for sure. First of June, my 2 cousins and I will be flying out for an 8 day stay in San Francisco. I am so excited because this will be a few firsts for me. The first time I have been further west than Memphis, the first time I have been to a metropolitan area. The first time I will be redneck free, surrounded by open minded liberal people. And the first time I will be able to go to a huge art museum (a couple actually). I. Can. Not. Wait!!!

I figure if I get 2 of those done, I am doing good. 3 means I am a master of my own destiny. All 4 could possibly mean that I am a god amongst men. Who’s taking bets?

Failure

Well here it is the third day of the year that I have set a goal to blog every day. Ha! With this one, I am 2 for 3. That is par for the course. I never see stuff through, usually because it gets boring. That is why exercise has never worked for me. Its not because the act itself is too hard, it is just that repetition bores me. Now granted I am sick right now and did a ton of eyelid watching yesterday, but still. So I apologize. If there is one person that saw my Jan 1st blog and thought, “Awesome, I cant wait to read more of this assholes random self-depreciating ramblings,” then I apologize to you for letting you down. But honestly, if you know me, what do you expect?

In the year 2000…

The beginning of 2010 and I find myself reflecting over the last decade. I basically became an adult in the year 2000, but governmental standards. You wanna take a trip down my memory lane, read on. Beware there are definately some potholes and in some places the road ends completely. Lost in a fog of anonymity.

2000 – Became legal, graduated High School. Moved to Florida to pursue a collegiate education. Hated Florida as soon as I got there. Did result in my first vehicle, an 88 Chevy Astro. No people my age, nothing to do except go to pubs and shoot pool.
2001 – moved back to Tennessee, after failing to motivate myself to get in school. Took a job working in Food City’s deli, for which Beefy named me a “Deli Lady”. Quit the Deli, took a job as a line chef at the Double Play Café. Got a job at March of Dimes to collect donations. 9/11 happens and no one wants to give anything. Living at my aunts.
2002 – rarely home, no job, bummed around. Smoked A LOT of pot. Don’t remember much, but I have a few stories. Got a job at a hotel in P Forge.
2003 – gas was killing me, got The Turtle, moved into my boss’s rental house w my room mate/ co-worker Chris, a Wiccan, my first exposure to a non Christian religion.
2004 – first of the year my roomie moves out. Try to keep the place by myself, 3 months of struggling and going to bed hungry a lot, I hang my head and return home to my parents. I failed at my attempt to be an adult. My sister starts work at Nova, tells me how to put in w/ Express Personnel so that I can get one too. Start temp work in August, hired in November. The best part is that this job leads to meeting Stephen, Justin, X (and through him the Hoodies), Got a few peoples jobs there, one led to Phil meeting his future wife Tanielle.
2005 – Got an apartment in Knoxville. Damn place nearly killed me due to the enormous amounts of mold. Kept working. Started dating Lyndsey. Realized quickly that she was nuts, but the sex was good. Dumped her crazy ass the day after Christmas after dropping almost $2000 for a new wardrobe. I got a keyless remote for my car. Cept it was a clearence item because it had no key fobs.
2006 – moved back into my aunt’s house. Started building my house under the masterful eye of my father on weekends and after work. Started dating Erica, whirlwind romance, fueled by my baby loving family (she had a kid). Proposed, original plan for a spring 2k7 wedding. She wants it quicker. Set a date for Dec, move into my parents w/ her and kid to be closer/more available to build the house. Only my dad tells me that I am makin a mistake, I don’t listen to him. Get married. It was honestly the happiest day of my life. Looking back, it would’ve been better to get in a car wreck on the way there.
2007 – wedded bliss turns into constant fighting. The house gets finished, think it’s going to be better in our own space. Gets a little better, then a chasm of Grand Canyon-like size grows between us. Take a second job at the liquor store where my grandparents work. There are days that through over an hour of a car ride, dinner, etc, no words are spoken. She becomes a bitchy roommate. On Fathers day, (which I was celebrating since the kid has been calling me Dada since she could talk) Erica tells me she isn’t sure that she wants to be married. I tell her she can have a month to get her shit together, and spend every one of those nights on the couch. File for divorce, which I pay for. Come home to an empty house. Set on the floor and bawl like a baby. Get repeatedly drunk every night. Drinking more than I eat. Go to other liquor stores so that my grandparents don’t see how much I am drinking. Divorce is final on Oct 11th, my unniversary.
2008 – Drew and Beffry move in. Life is good, gaming, money to spare bc we are all splitting it 3 ways. Meet Haley through my sister. Instantly after her bc she tells my sister that I am too young for her. Beffry cant keep a job, I cover his bills, on numerous promises that he will pay me back. Alas, he decides to be a worthless piece of shit like his parents and leaves, stiffing me with $1800 of debt and my cousin with at least $1000. Drew moves out too.
2009 – Sister and Haley lure me to sisters house under promises of spaghetti, when I get there, Haley hands me a tiny chocolate puppy. He’s an AKC registered mini dachshund. I instantly name him Charlie and I am happier than I have ever been. He grows into Charlie Brown Von Doom Scofield. He is my best friend. (As I write this he is curled up on my leg under the blanket). Haley and I both realize that we aren’t going anywhere and agree to be friends. I can count the times I have talked to her since on 2 hands. I get fired from the liquor store bc it’s ran by a father and son that know less of class than they know of business. Struggle through the rest of the year, experience the birth of my best friend’s first child, the wedding of X and Cootie, and find out that my mom is sick and is permanently disabled.
Now- Who fuckin knows. All I can say is that in 10 years I have experienced every emotion possible, i have been at my happiest and at my lowest, I have been a worthless member of society and a homeowner and registered voter. I am ready for whatever comes. I know that I have good friends and a wonderful family. Nothing is too big.

I will hopefully be able to blog daily this year. I want a record of this year. Hope I entertain you, or make you think outside of your box. As Coolio once said, Come Along And Ride On The Fantastic Voyage.

Until next time true believers…

Still Just a Rat In a Cage

I am generally an angry person. My normal drive to work is riddled with death threats, desires to anally rape peoes grandmothers, and much steering wheel punching. I don’t know why, but when I drive, my car is my pulpit and/or soapbox. I drive a 95 Nissan 200sx (un-fancy Sentra). I bought the car about 7 years ago, some hot little number had put a picture of her and her equally hot 3 sisters (for reals) over the instrument panel. Guess it was her belief that since the car is an automatic, she had no use for a tachometer. Problem was beside the tach are, what my father has raised me to call “Dummy Lights”. The lights that tell you, battery is dead, car is too hot, check engine, or in this case, THERE’S NO FUCKIN OIL IN ME! Oh well, her loss, my gain. $500 for the car, $500 for a used motor, a weekend and BOOM I had a car. I thought it was awesome, cause I totally had an import and all of my friends had imports. Problem? Mine was slow… I mean it’s. 1.6 automatic. Guess I thought it didn’t need a big motor in a small car. WRONG! So I had a green, slow moving car… The only logical step was the self-inflicted nickname of The Turtle. Now everyone, mom, dad, grandparents, etc refer to my car as the Turtle.
Daily I drive the Turtle 1.6 hours of highway driving to get to and from work. The mornings are complete with me raging about the numerous assholes that are put in front of me on a daily basis and talking to my sister on the phone. The afternoons are me white nuckling the steering wheel, gritting my teeth and playing Slayer/Iron Maiden/Black Sabbath/Metallica or the like as LOUD AS POSSIBLE, and just trying to make it home before I snap, and end up hanging out the window swinging a chain as I run others off the road in a Mad Max/Doomsday/Escape From NY hate spree.
My point? I am angry. Constantly angry. Not to the point that I would hurt my family or an animal, but I day dream about hitting certain people with baseball bats. I looked it up. Daydreaming about violence leads to aggression, suicide, etc. Dunno that I agree with that, but it’s out there. I think my problem is that I have lost or have limited contact with the things that make me happy. Money, meaningful relationships, a job with personal contact, social interaction, and music.

Money is the root of all happiness. People that say that money won’t buy happiness are delusional. ANY situation plaguing 85% of people in America can be resolved by money. Bills, debt, shitty job, hunger, shelter, stress, family issues, etc are all remedied by money. The only types of issues that can’t be solved through Bill Gates-like fortunes would be personal illness. And even then, some conspiracy theorist would have us believe that there is a cure for any disease if you have the money. Example? Magic Johnson. Man had had HIV for like 15 years and he hasn’t lost weight nor has the diseaae advanced. Coincidence? Dunno, maybe The HIV virus is a Lakers fan.

Meaningful relationships? Yep, given up on that at this point. Only a few years away from cruising Pilot parking lot late at night lookin for lot lizards. Eww.

My favorite job that I don’t have anymore. I got fired from the liquor store. I refused to let the Boss’s son’s wife push me around and I got shit canned for it. Cunt. I only worked on Fridays and Saturdays, and the money wasn’t a big difference, but it was nice. The biggest thing I enjoyed was the interaction with people. I work in a call center. The most interaction I have is purely vocal, which may easily be misconstrued. Dealing with the public be they dirty old men that stare at the wine girls tits, women that act like their shit doesn’t stink but buy Boones Farm, kids that remind me of myself when I was younger (trying to find that magical booze that will mix with anything, not taste bad, get you fucked up, and cost under $15 for a 1.75 liter), or people that honestly need help, is a wonderful thing. These people you can react to, parlay with, share stories, and smile at. No one is in a bad mood when they go into a liquor store, because they know that in the next 2 hours they will be buzzed or hammered. It made me feel like people actually wanted to interact with me. The people coming in that would call me by name and ask about my dog or life, made me feel good. I hate the bitches that took that away from me.

Social Interaction – I don’t go out. I don’t like crowds, I don’t have single friends to go hang out with. All of my friends are married, have kids, etc. Makes me think of the jail scene in Clerks 2, Randal is explaining why it sucks for him to have Dante leaving. He asks rhetorically, “Who’d wanna be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me.” That’s basically my point of view, it takes a special type of person to be my friend, and I think I have found all of them. Hahaha.

Music. The fuel of my fire. The stairway to my heaven. My highway to hell. I love music. Nearly all types are accepted, I don’t judge or hate (usually), as long as the lyrics aren’t corny. I can listen to purely instrumental Irish, drum beat, horn or guitar. Jazz, Classical, Operatic, Pubk, Rock, Classic Rock, Garage Rock. Heavy, Hair, Death, Neo, New, Nü, MOTHA FUCKIN, METAL. Makes no difference to me. If I can hear people’s emotions in their songs, I will listen, and probably re-listen again and again. I don’t have access to the music that I used to have bc of my lack of internet. Sigh. I also miss good local rock shows, ska-fest, Warped Tour.

The worst part is I see no way of these things changing. Yay!

Life… Live it, Do it, Fuck it.

When life gives you lemons, say fuck the lemons and bail.

Despite all my rage…