The Snooze Button and Nightmares.

I don’t like nightmares. I’m not saying that anyone really does, but bear with me. Every since I was little I have had a very vivid imagination. Whole worlds sprang into being in my head. I planned invasions with my toys. There were more plot twists in an afternoon of G.I. Joes than in most M. Night Shyamalan flicks.
This wild imagination led to some pretty eventful dreams. These dreams could be good or bad, my mind was not biased.
This has continued through my adult life. I frequently (usually once a week) have a zombie dream where I’m fighting off hordes of the undead. I haven’t had a good nightmare in a long time.
Until today.
I hit my snooze button for 10 more minutes I’d blissful sleep before I got up and tried to hump this Tuesday into submission. Instead of sleep I got terror. Follow me through this dream.

X, Cootie, Haley and myself were in my house. My house was old though. Dark wood everywhere. Rich tapestries and carpets. Like a manor house. We were all getting some coffee and I remembered that X and Cooties’ daughter and her 2 friends were in the RV parked on the property. I asked if they may want some coffee and after a confirmation from Cootie, began filling a thermus. One Keurig at a time.
I know, right?
So my thermus full, I begin to exit the house to go to the RV. X says “Don’t let me forget to tell you about the 10th director of The Exorcist he only directed a 3 minute scene, but it was amazing.” I agreed to remind him and stepped out into the pre-dawn / post-dusk gloom of a thunderstorm. As lighting flashed and thunder boomed, I noticed a man and a woman talking. She expressed her intent to leave and then began moving toward a near-by high walled garden. He looked longingly after her and I though I should follow her. As I rounded the corner of the house, I heard a disembodied voice say “BEWARE OF X’S MOTHER!”

What the fuck.

I glanced up the lawn and saw a blue push-mower coming toward me, with no one pushing it. Immediately thinking of Maximum Overdrive I dodged out of the way. The Damn thing turned around and came at me again. “You’ve got to he fuckin kidding me” I exclaimed as I dodged out of the way a second time. As it turned for another attempt to make me shorter, lightning flashed and I suddenly there was a woman there pushing it. It was this woman, to be specific:

spooky shit, eh?

She was wearing a flowered dress and house shoes. Her eyes were vacant. Like she didn’t see me at all, but I could tell that she wanted to hurt me. As she came toward me with the mower, the Voice again chimed in, “You must placate her.”
So naturally I began to apologize for being in her way, for intruding on her thunderstorm mowing, for being here. I promised to not do it again and then to top it off I hit her with the Sign of the Cross. She stopped. So I took that as an indication that I had placated her. As I walked down the side of the house, I passed by a large, single panes glass window. When I looked into the darkened room, there she was pressed near the window. I stumbled back as thunder boomed and then the glass broke.

I woke up in a startled panic. It was very real and very fuckin weird.

So any idea what that would mean? If anything? Give it your best interpretations in the comments below.

Love.

Life is Funtastic

Well, its been a couple of days since my last post. Things are going great. My love and I are gooey in love. I have great friends and family. Life is pretty damn good. I’m trying to liquidate some old car parts and got a text today about a guy who is interested in the biggest piece. We’ll see how that turns out. Hope to test drive my car as soon as next weekend. Fingers crossed.
That’s it lovelies. How are you doing?

Love

Batman, Sailor and some Apples

Had a grand time Saturday. For the first time in a few months, my cousin came over to hang out. X and Cootie were in house and the Mogwai was asleep with a bum ankle. We started the night out with myself trying to cook something new and delicious in a wheat free world. X has a wheat allergy. My love Haley has a wheat allergy. She gets sniffles and X stops breathing. Two very important people in my life with the same allergy, albeit at varying degrees of severity. So I’ve been trying to help in any way I can. People know this, peanut allergies, milk allergies and pepper allergies don’t hold a candle to living with a wheat allergy. Name your 3 favorite foods.

Ok, now lets say that you said Pizza, beer, Hamburgers, Biscuits and Gravy, Lasagna, cookies, spaghetti, candy bars, thai food, chicken lo mein, or a nice big sandwich.

Now imagine that you can’t eat those things as they come, as they are served by every restaurant and every house in the nation. Wheat is in everything.  It binds things together that you would never think would have wheat in them.

Haley had a pack of SUCKERS. Caution: Contains Wheat. What the fuck for?

I’m a big eater, if you couldn’t tell by my stature… So the pure shock of thinking about not being able to stop at McDonalds and get a burger on the run. To not have a normal birthday cake. So hell yeah, I will go out of my way to try to help in any way I can. So to these ends, I attempted to make some ground chicken sausage balls for a snack.

Yeah, after grinding it up and realizing that chicken doesn’t have the consistency that pork or beef does, I changed mid-stroke and went with a chicken meatloaf. I don’t know if anyone has ever done this before, I’m sure it has. I’m not trying to blaze new paths in food, but I was pretty proud of the finished product. It was moist, but heavy. I needed a little more spices, salt mainly, because I wasn’t sure of the level of salt in the gluten-free cornbread mix that I used. I love cooking though, so I was happy.

By this time, the drinks were flowing and I was missing my girl pretty bad. When we wrapped dinner, poured some more drinks and gathered around the table to introduce Drew to Apples to Apples, I was feeling melancholy. I don’t like being away from Haley. I am madly in love with this woman. I feel empty when she’s not with me. But I was surrounded by people I love and who love me, so I couldn’t complain about the company. After the first round, my face was already hurting from laughing. Drew’s sick mind fit in well in our group and fun was had by all. When we finally called it a night and I retrieved a blanket for Drew to crash on the couch with, I went right to sleep.

I woke up at 10 and immediately got a text from Haley, like she could sense that I was part of the waking world again. It said simply “Good morning! Been up since 545, almost done with laundry. I have homemade waffles waiting for you whenever you get up. Love you!” What a wonderful good morning. I promptly made Drewcifer and myself a cup of coffee and took off to Haley’s. I got greeted with a hug, a kiss and a “I missed you” which fills me with so much joy it’s probably sickening to people that haven’t experienced it.

I haven’t had a good track-record with relationships. I’m not 30 yet (for a couple months) but I’ve already been married and divorced. I am a statistic. Regardless what you’ve seen in the news, Facebook was not to blame for my divorce. I rushed in. I ignored signs that I shouldn’t have. I made a mistake. But it hurt me. It burned me and made me bitter. I’ve swore that I will never marry again since then. I’m not saying that I’m ready for that right at this moment, but when I think about my future, I can’t think about Haley not being in it. I love this woman. She has opened my heart and my eyes. I now know what it’s like to have someone that you truly care about and can expect the same thing from in return. Is she my soulmate? I dunno if I believe in that mumbo-jumbo, but I’m saying this: I’ve let her go once and she came back. I’ll not make that mistake again. It’s 1 o’clock in the morning now.

I am not in bed yet, because I miss the thought of being able to put my arm around her and have her snuggle up to my chest. She’s my lobster.

Have a good rest of the weekend, everyone. I am off for MLK Day and I will spend it doing laundry, playing Batman and missing my girl.

 

Love.

A Dirty 4 Lettered Word

Love.

That’s right, love. Love and myself haven’t always gotten along. Usually I rush in, more for the idea behind love than for the actual emotion. The idea of being in love and the benefits that come with it entice more than whores on the steps of a temple.

Formally my thoughts on love were simple and juvenile. Love meant having someone care about you. Love meant getting things from someone “just because”. It meant sex. It meant that you had someone to do things with, you were never alone. Love was a MySpace update.

What I have learned is that Love, true Love is none of that.

True love is knowing that your wife is sick and determining to make her life as easy and full as possible. True love is taking in and raising 3 kids and making them excel at school when they had no support from the birth mother. True love is changing your entire diet because you husband has a severe allergy to a VERY common food source.

Love is sacrifice.
Love is worshiping your partner.
Love is kissing like no one is watching.
Love is not monetary. It cannot be bought.

True love cannot be forced.

I am lucky that I have finally figured this out. I am also lucky to have fallen in love with a wonderful woman who loves me as purely as I love her.

I love you, Haley. Sorry it took me so long to figure out.

~Sco

Bigger and Better

So my creative juices got severely dampened by my pseudo-vacation. I didn’t do much except lay around and watch movies and tv. Sure we can blame the pain pills, but the truth is that I felt myself running dry. I began to have moments of writers block that lasted for days. When finally I could create again, I had so much built up that it came pouring out like word diarrhea. I wasn’t happy with much that I did in those times.

So, I changed tactics. I went back to my original love, drawing. I hadn’t put pen-to-paper in a long time aside from tattoo ideas for other people. So I created some things that had been floating in my head for awhile. I also took up a new hobby. I self-taught myself to make chainmail jewelry. What tedious, mind numbing work. But I was proud of that first piece. It was nice to hold something tangible in my hands and think “I made this out of nothing.”

How creationist of me, eh?

The world needs more beauty in it. We are barraged, as a society, by images of war, violence, civil unrest and poverty. Daily I have to suffer through an ASPCA commercial showcasing beaten and neglected animals. The news never shows “feel good” stories anymore. No Zippy, the water skiing squirrel. No puppies or lolcats. No, instead I have to hear someone is being mistreated, another baby was killed by an enraged or deranged parent, the president/congress/state representatives aren’t doing their jobs.

I get it.

We live in a fucked up world. We are too concerned with shiny trinkets, celebrity marriages and what else gives you cancer. People have forgot how to enjoy life. A powerful phrase that I read years ago still sticks with me.

“Life isn’t forever”

That’s right people. You, I, our lived ones, our pets, even that asshole neighbor that let’s his dog shit in your yard are all going to die. Life DOESN’T last forever. There’s only one certainty in life. Death. One day its all over.

I’ll be 30 this year. If the Mayan Doomsayers are wrong, (they are) I will probably live for 40-45 more years. I’m not going to be a 90 year old man. It’s not in my genes. I am overweight, I smoke, I drink, I drive too fast and I don’t wear my seat belt. I’ll be lucky to hit 70. So almost half of my life is over. You know what I have learned recently? I haven’t began to live yet. My life has been relatively normal, but I have always held myself back. I’ve worried about money, I’ve worried about the future. You know that saying “can’t see the forest for the trees”?

That’s me in a nutshell.

So I am saying fuck new years resolutions. I’m making new life resolutions.

1.) Inspire myself and others. It’s too easy to be grumpy and plod along daily. I will take a moment every day and try to make myself or someone else better.

2.) Leave an impact on the world. Now I’m not saying I will discover the cure to a disease or solve a great mystery, but dammit when I die, someone will miss me on more than an emotional level.

3.) Love and be loved. I am blessed to have a beautiful woman in my life who makes me stupid happy. I am going to try my damnedness to keep her. I will strive to never take her for granted.

4.) Don’t sweat the small stuff. Simple enough. Live to the fullest. Don’t let shit drag me down.

So there you have it. Will I succeed every day? Fuck no, I’m only human, but I’m going to try really hard.

So throw all the bad news and 90s folk music-backed puppies you want at me, world. I’m going to weather your storm. I’m going to thrive. I will not let the next 30 years pass as meekly by.

As Wheezy would say, I’m gonna make life my bitch and put my hand up her skirt.

Love.

Life Got In The Way

So… It’s been over a year since I blogged. Yeah, sorry about that. A bunch has happened since my last post. Let’s recap, shall we?

I didn’t stop writing. I just stopped writing here. If you feel like it, head over to www.bettergeekthannever.com. I’ve wrote tons. I’ve done podcasts. I was a machine. My brother from another mother, Professor X was kind enough to let me get my nerd rage on about movies, comics and much more. It has been some of the most fun I’ve had on the internet that didn’t involve boobs. Well, that’s not true, there are boobs on the site. They’re probably just covered by blood. SO, there’s that.

I remained single for the better part of last year. I didn’t feel like I wanted to spend time and energy trying to get to know more people. The ones that I do know weren’t interested in dating or letting me see them naked. This changed recently when I agreed to round two with an ex. But here’s the thing, before you cringe like I do when people scratch their forks on plates, she’s the best Ex ever. I am not even sure you can call her an ex. She and I began just hanging out. That progressed into more, but it was never really official. This is mostly due to my expression of disgust at all things “love” early into our relationship. I know, right? What a perfect thing to say to a woman who you are crazy about. Well, our schedules conflicted a lot and so we amicably split. I wasn’t in the mindset to progress myself as a person, let alone a relationship with another human. We are now together and happily, we’ve both admitted our love. She is my perfect match. She’s a smartass, like me, she’s independent, which I need. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she gets me, she loves me for me and doesn’t express desires to change me in anyway. She’ll watch stuff that I wanna watch, she’ll listen to me nerd-out about the shitty Captain America movie. She watches wrestling with me. I love her. Immensely. I love her like I never thought I would love someone again. I miss her dearly when I’m not with her. So that’s definitely a good thing that happened in 2011.

The bad? Well, whilst trying to dodge some relatively nasty weather in our fluctuating climate of East Tennessee, I was taking shelter in my basement. Being the dutiful owner that I am, I carried Charlie Von Doom down the stairs with me and fell. I rolled my body, so not to crush my 12 pound dog and cried out as I heard my leg snap. I broke the fibula clean through and tore the main tendon that holds the fibula and tibia together at the bottom. Thus destroying my ankle and scattering it like Scrabble tiles after a drunken rage-quit. I could put no pressure on my leg for 10 weeks. I slept on my couch, leg propped up in an itchy fuckin cast. I watched Netflix. I am pretty sure that I googled everything that one could possibly google. I didn’t leave the house except to go to the doctor or for surgeries. My constant and loyal dog stayed with me, never batting an eye at the fact that I didn’t move all day. For over 2 months. But you know what? I needed it. I did a lot of thinking in those months. I reevaluated my life. I thought about what I needed to do to get to where I wanna be. I’m not saying that there have been drastic changes in my life because of this, but I know more about myself now. I know my goals. And so I guess technically that was a good thing.

This fall I began to work on my car again. I bought this car 7 years ago. I drove it for a couple months and then put it down due to a rear main seal being out. It was decided, while it was down to do a complete rebuild and turbo it. This is a first for my dad and myself. Then I got offered the chance to build a house. Then I met a girl that I thought I would love forever. Then we got married. Then we moved into our new house. Then we didn’t talk much. Then we separated and finally we divorced. Then I began to drink. A lot. At that point, the car was back-burnered. With all intentions of going back and finishing it. Well, today, it fired and ran at idle for the first time in nearly 7 years. I am ECSTATIC about this. Today, I decided that I don’t even want to make it flashy with the body kit that I have, instead, I’m going to make it a sleeper. You’ll never know what I have under the hood, but you’ll know my license plate number. Hopefully.

I am lucky enough to be in the position to offer some very, very dear friends the ability to stay with me while they evolve onto a path that is better for them. It has been almost 3 months and not once have I thought “Great, they’re home…” in my usual sarcastic tone. They make my house feel like a home. It’s lonely as fuck living by yourself. The ability to come home to an awesome home cooked meal, play games, have some drinks and cut up about shit on TV was very much needed in my life. I need these people around me. I need people that I can depend on and know that they love me as much as I love them. I am happy.

So that’s it. There was definitely some shit in 2011 that I would rather do without, but all in all I can’t complain about the year past. It brought me a woman that completes me, it brought me a mind free of clutter and darkness and it brought me a family, regardless of blood, that make me smile and happy. 2011 brought me happiness. I can’t hate it.

So what’s next? Who knows. Life can be bumpy sometimes, but I know that through my amazing family, my beautiful love and my smile-so-much-your-face-hurts friends, I can’t take it all on and come out with my head above water.

And my little dog too…

 

Love people. Love is very important to the body, mind and soul. I hope everyone that reads this gets to experience true love in the year I have dubbed the Twenty Dozen.